Metamorphosis.

• “Caterpillar is now a butterfly” 
  
  
  
• Maybe it will be hard for some to actually understand what I am going to write and for some it will be very easy to understand (only if you knew me from the start).
• Coming from a place where you always felt safe, understood, heard and most importantly - felt IMPORTANT and going to a place where you have this downfall not only in academics but mentally as well. 
• Mental turmoil is a very important thing for all of us I guess, because everyone always goes through something or the other and not talk about it. I am one of them as well.. I decided to not talk. To not be BOLD enough for myself and what I actually WAS. 
• This word “WAS” - hurts a lot that we were not like this or we were not that. 
• The place I am in right now has been the most difficult place I had been in , in 21 years. Turning  22 in three months and still not being able to function like I actually did two years ago is a very big thing. People say that college changes you ? Yes it does , but in a negative way I didn’t know that.
• Mental breakdowns, doing shit that I never did, not caring about what image do I hold or not caring about the other person.. not being BOLD - A Carmelite and not being bold? I mean that’s not what my school taught me or my teachers and parents taught me. 
• But guess what - I became the person opposite to what I was back then, which had put me into a place where even if I tried- I could not do anything better.
• The title holds a very special place in my heart - because it defines or it will define most of us.
• You know how we always say that a person who enters our life holds a very special place in our lives- yes I needed a push.
• I wanted someone to say that “GUN you can be the old you and ACE everything”
• And yes - some people are genuine. Its just really difficult to actually find genuineness here.
• Whoever it was- Thanks for the push and maybe the change was seen in me three days ago- “I really appreciate” (not the message from my side)
• It really is in our hands that we want to become something or not. Cause guess what? I cried - I cried a lot of times.
• I did try to harm myself a lot of times- but one thing is for sure my friends that no one means no one will actually try and rescue you or come to save you except for your best friends.
• I miss my best friend- having a person who’s there with you 24/7 to not having that person at all physically with you- hurts you, physically.
  
  
  
• P.S- This is my first blog or maybe a little something that you all will like or love. Just an introductory part  of me not being me :)